Saturday, February 24, 2007

A Salute to America's Criminal Class

Seriously guys, I salute you. My wife has been in this country less than a year, and you've managed to steal her identity.

Bravo. Let no one call my nation second rate in anything.

But you were a little sloppy, and part of that is our fault.

See, we pay our bills electronically. Except for two, who, in pursuit of some twentieth century ideal, only accept checks through the post. Those checks I make sure go into those beautiful little blue boxes about town. Aside from the occasional netflix, nothing important goes into our rural box.

But you had our names. And that was enough.

Seems you took out a loan in her name, and conducted business with the National Guard, in my name.

Then you got caught. Ooops.

Got the letter today, from the postal inspector. We just swore out our complaint. And to add insult to irony, one of those credit card mills sent their "preapproved" card to the wife, you know the one, with the 6,500 dracma spending limit? And the 200.00 dracma "annual fee". Bet you were looking for that one, eh? We got it today.

We called the credit reporting agencies, to stick a fraud alert on her identity. Seems someone has already done so. Good. Hope that's what busted you.

I love my wife. I love her nubile body. And I love her nubile credit rating.

You committed theft against her person, and I look forward to seeing you in court, dear friend.

I'm a civilized man, so I'll be calm. But I will take pleasure in seeing you go to jail. Federal even. Real nice places those. Hope you stole a fortune (at least Enron levels) then maybe you can get a nice sinecure in one of those Club Feds. Not my concern, though. Your bed, etc.

You committed theft against my wife.


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